i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
