i think i have herpe
just one?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
