he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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