Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
