is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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