I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
