OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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