I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
