oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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