Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
the liver wants what the liver wants
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
