I want to make a zoo with you.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
