go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
