Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
