Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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