So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
