I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
