His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
