Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
