Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
