is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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