And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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