She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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