it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think my vagina is haunted
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize
