im having a threesome with these popsicles
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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