I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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