Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
