it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
