I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
this boner is exhausting
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
