we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
