My liver just broke up with me...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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