turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
