Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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