TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
