White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize