Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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