I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I need to sanitize my soul.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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