There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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