Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
