what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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