So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
