My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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