Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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