I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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