the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
