he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I have fence marks all over my body
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
