Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
