I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
