I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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