I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
