can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We named our party play list daddy issues
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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