we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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