all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
