How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
