Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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